Usingassertivecommunicationisanimportantpartofrecoveryfromdrugsanda…
QuestionUsingassertivecommunicationisanimportantpartofrecoveryfromdrugsanda… Using assertive communication is an important part of recoveryfrom drugs and alcohol. Being assertive can help you express your opinionsand feelings, make requests of othersand respond to requests of others in a respectful manner.Assertiveness leads you to feel more in controlof your life and increases the chances your goals will be met. This lesson will give you background on differentstyles of communication and give you some ideas about how to express yourself in a way that is helpful,instead of harmful to your relationships. You probably already know there are many ways people communicate, and not all of these ways are assertive. A person does not always communicate using the same style, but often there will be patterns. The following are descriptions of interpersonal communication styles. As you go through these descriptions, think about which one is similar to your style and consider the followingdiagram of the continuumof communication styles: Passive communication can feel like a finely honed skill and can be effective; however,people who are communicating passively often give up their rights,especially if what they want is in conflictwith what someone else wants. They often hide their thoughts and feelings and as a resultmay feel depressed, anxious or angry. They often don’t say anything,even when they disagree or are angry at someone.Passive people often do not get their needs met and may cause damage to relationships with othersbecause of their lack of communication. Some passive peoplemay attempt to get their needs met through actions or inactions. When we use our actions or inactionsto communicate it typicallytakes longer to get what we want and increases frustration on all parties involved. Consider the following example of passivecommunication: Sally stopped drinkinga few weeks ago. She is tryingreally hard to stay sober.Whenever she gets togetherwith her family for dinner, her brotherdrinks a few beers in front of her. It really bothersSally, but her brotherdoesn’t think it is a big deal, especially since Sallywasn’t a beer drinker. Sally is angry and frustrated that her brother doesn’tunderstand how hard this is for her, but she does not want to confrontthe situation and possibly cause an argument so she doesn’t say anything. Sally starts to dread being aroundher family. In the following boxes, completewhat the benefitsand drawbacks are of using passive communication in Sally’ssituation. Benefits ofPassive Communication Drawbacks ofPassive Communication The main benefit of passive communication in this situation is Could Sally’s passive communication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How has passive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used a passive communication style?What did it look like? What was the result? Aggressive communication can also feel like a finely honed skill and may also be effective; however,there may be some significant drawbacks to aggression including increasedfighting, increased stress, increased anger, and increasedrelationship dissatisfaction. People who are communicating aggressively are puttingtheir interestsup front, but often at the expenseof others rights or feelings.They may get their needs met in the short-term, but over the long term, relationships may suffer or even be destroyed because of their behavior. Othersmay feel they are not being heard or respected and sometimes are made to feel worthless. Consider the followingexample of aggressive communication: Sally’sbrother sits down to dinner with a beer. He figuresthis won’t bother Sally since she used to drinkhard liquor and he is not going to get drunk. Sally sees the beer and starts to yell at him, tellinghim how evil he is for drinking and that he is purposely trying to taunt her. She tells her parents that she is not coming over again because everyoneis so disrespectful of her feelings. Sally’s brother and parentsare confused since they did not realize there was a problem. Sally is even more angry and upset after the confrontation. Sally’sfamily wonders if they should invite her over since she has behavedso hostile. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits ofAggressive Communication Drawbacks ofAggressive Communication Could Sally’s aggressive communication lead to alcohol or other drug use? Why or why not? How has aggressive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used an aggressive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? You may have heard of the term Passive Aggressive Communication. Peoplewho are indirectabout what they want may be communicating in a passive aggressive style.They don’t state directly what they feel or think and may hint at what they want, and expect others to figure it out. They sometimesact out what they want to say, such as slamming doors,giving someone the “silenttreatment”, being late, or doing a sloppy job. They try to get what they want without having to directlydeal with others. Again, short term goals may be met, but long term,damage to relationships can occur and the person may becomeangry or depressed when othersdon’t read their cues correctly.Consider the following example of passiveaggressive communication: Sally can’t believeher brother is drinkingin front of her and at her parent’shouse! She thinks her family must not be supportive of her. Insteadof directly tellingthem how this bothers her, she makes sarcastic and mean remarks to her brotherthroughout dinner.She doesn’t bother to help her parents clean up like she usuallydoes and leaveswithout saying goodbyeto her brother. She leaves angryand feeling sad that her familydoesn’t care about her. Her family membersfeel mistreated and confused about her behavior. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using passive aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits of Passive Aggressive Communication Drawbacks of Passive Aggressive Communication Could Sally’s passive aggressivecommunication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How has passiveaggressive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used a passiveaggressive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? Assertive Communication involves knowledge about your basic rightsas a human being, self-awareness of feelingsand wanted outcomesin a situation, and being mindfuland respectful of otherswhen stating your feelings,wants, and needs.Assertiveness is simply asking for or stating what you want (or do not want) in a directway that does not attack, manipulate, or disrespect anyone else. You stand up for yourselfand your rights in the situation while also taking responsibility to be cooperative, nonjudgmental, and caringfor your own needs in such a way that protectsthe dignity of others.When using an assertive communication style, others view you as honest and as knowing what is importantto your needs. This communication approach allows you to cope with the problems associated with alcoholor drug use as best as you can without letting others steamrollyou or withoutisolating yourself. You will be in a better spot and more able to manage your cravingsusing assertiveness rather than passivityor aggression. Considerthe following exampleof assertive communication: Sally sees her brothersit down at the table with a beer. Being around any kind of alcohol triggersher to want to drink.She decides that she will tell her family how she feels and ask if they could not drink when she is around. “I am really workinghard to stay sober and seeing you drinkthat beer is really causing me to crave a drink. I reallyneed you to not drink when you are around me. I think I will do much better in my recoverywith support from you.” In the followingboxes, completewhat the benefitsand drawbacks are of using assertive communication in Sally’ssituation. Benefits ofAssertive Communication Drawbacks ofAssertive Communication Could Sally’s assertive communication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How could assertive communication help you meet your goals of sobriety? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used an assertive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? Notice in the previousexample, Sally clearly stated what the problem was, told her family how they could help and told them something positivethat would happen as a result. In the above situation Sally used a communication technique called SAS. SASState theproblem and its consequences.Ask for what you need.Spell out the advantages of cooperation. In Sally’sexample, this is how she used the SAS skills:State the Problem: “Seeing you drink is causing me to crave a drink.”Ask for What You Need: “I need you to not drink aroundme.”Spell out the Advantaged of Cooperation: “I will do better in my recoverywith support from you” Sally stated her needs and desiresdirectly. She also was respectful and did not put other people down or make them feel badly. She pointedout a positive consequence (“I will do betterin my recovery”) rather than a negative consequence or blaming statement. (“If you keep drinking around me I will relapse and it will be your fault”) Think of a situation where you would like to communicate assertively. Try writingout what you will say using the SAS technique. State the Problem:Ask for What You Need:Spell out the Advantaged of Cooperation: Assertive communication goes beyond verbal expression. Nonverbalcommunication, or “body language,” plays a large part in the messageswe send to other people.In contrast to verbal/spoken communication, which consists of actual words used in speakingwith someone, nonverbal communication refers to the way in which those words are projected. For example, during a job interview, one personmight look down at the floor or off in the distance,whereas a differentperson might look directly at the interviewer. What different messages would these two applicants convey? Nonverbal behaviors can help you communicate more assertively. Here are some examples.Fill in others that you think would be helpful. Maintain eye contact Position your body squarely towardsothers Speak firmly, positively, & loud enough to be heard easily Use clear, concise speech Keep your”body language” consistent with your statements Listen to what othersare saying Maintain a posture and attitude of equality Take theinitiative Using an assertive communication style doesn’tcome naturally for everyone. It is often a big change from what they are used to and a change from how they are used to being treated. It can be uncomfortable at first,and may requiresome practice. Start out by practicing with small requests,rather than trying to tackle big situations. Some people find it helpful to practicein front of a mirroror with a peer or counselor too. Remember, using assertive communication can help you feel more relaxed,less depressed, and more powerful.Learning how to be assertivewill enable you to act in your own best interest, to stand up for yourself and expressyour thoughts and feeling honestly and comfortably, and to exerciseyour personal rights without denying the rights of others. What would be the benefitsof communicating in a more assertively? What do you think the outcome would be if you used a passivecommunication style? What do you think the outcome would be if you used an aggressive communication style? What do you think the outcome would be if you used a passive-aggressive communication style? Assertiveness & Communication Skills Directions: Three times over the next week, find someone with whom to practice the “SAS” communication technique. In the space provided, write the situation, the stated problem and its consequences, ask for what you want, and spell out the benefitsof cooperation.Practice SAS in a low risk, non-emotionally chargedsituation at first! “SAS” Communication Technique: State the problemand its consequences.Ask for what you want.Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Spell out the benefitsof cooperation. Date: Date:Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Date:Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Using assertive communication is an important part of recoveryfrom drugs and alcohol. Being assertive can help you express your opinionsand feelings, make requests of othersand respond to requests of others in a respectful manner.Assertiveness leads you to feel more in controlof your life and increases the chances your goals will be met. This lesson will give you background on differentstyles of communication and give you some ideas about how to express yourself in a way that is helpful,instead of harmful to your relationships. You probably already know there are many ways people communicate, and not all of these ways are assertive. A person does not always communicate using the same style, but often there will be patterns. The following are descriptions of interpersonal communication styles. As you go through these descriptions, think about which one is similar to your style and consider the followingdiagram of the continuumof communication styles: Passive communication can feel like a finely honed skill and can be effective; however,people who are communicating passively often give up their rights,especially if what they want is in conflictwith what someone else wants. They often hide their thoughts and feelings and as a resultmay feel depressed, anxious or angry. They often don’t say anything,even when they disagree or are angry at someone.Passive people often do not get their needs met and may cause damage to relationships with othersbecause of their lack of communication. Some passive peoplemay attempt to get their needs met through actions or inactions. When we use our actions or inactionsto communicate it typicallytakes longer to get what we want and increases frustration on all parties involved. Consider the following example of passivecommunication: Sally stopped drinkinga few weeks ago. She is tryingreally hard to stay sober.Whenever she gets togetherwith her family for dinner, her brotherdrinks a few beers in front of her. It really bothersSally, but her brotherdoesn’t think it is a big deal, especially since Sallywasn’t a beer drinker. Sally is angry and frustrated that her brother doesn’tunderstand how hard this is for her, but she does not want to confrontthe situation and possibly cause an argument so she doesn’t say anything. Sally starts to dread being aroundher family. In the following boxes, completewhat the benefitsand drawbacks are of using passive communication in Sally’ssituation. Benefits ofPassive Communication Drawbacks ofPassive Communication The main benefit of passive communication in this situation is Could Sally’s passive communication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How has passive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used a passive communication style?What did it look like? What was the result? Aggressive communication can also feel like a finely honed skill and may also be effective; however,there may be some significant drawbacks to aggression including increasedfighting, increased stress, increased anger, and increasedrelationship dissatisfaction. People who are communicating aggressively are puttingtheir interestsup front, but often at the expenseof others rights or feelings.They may get their needs met in the short-term, but over the long term, relationships may suffer or even be destroyed because of their behavior. Othersmay feel they are not being heard or respected and sometimes are made to feel worthless. Consider the followingexample of aggressive communication: Sally’sbrother sits down to dinner with a beer. He figuresthis won’t bother Sally since she used to drinkhard liquor and he is not going to get drunk. Sally sees the beer and starts to yell at him, tellinghim how evil he is for drinking and that he is purposely trying to taunt her. She tells her parents that she is not coming over again because everyoneis so disrespectful of her feelings. Sally’s brother and parentsare confused since they did not realize there was a problem. Sally is even more angry and upset after the confrontation. Sally’sfamily wonders if they should invite her over since she has behavedso hostile. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits ofAggressive Communication Drawbacks ofAggressive Communication Could Sally’s aggressive communication lead to alcohol or other drug use? Why or why not? How has aggressive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used an aggressive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? You may have heard of the term Passive Aggressive Communication. Peoplewho are indirectabout what they want may be communicating in a passive aggressive style.They don’t state directly what they feel or think and may hint at what they want, and expect others to figure it out. They sometimesact out what they want to say, such as slamming doors,giving someone the “silenttreatment”, being late, or doing a sloppy job. They try to get what they want without having to directlydeal with others. Again, short term goals may be met, but long term,damage to relationships can occur and the person may becomeangry or depressed when othersdon’t read their cues correctly.Consider the following example of passiveaggressive communication: Sally can’t believeher brother is drinkingin front of her and at her parent’shouse! She thinks her family must not be supportive of her. Insteadof directly tellingthem how this bothers her, she makes sarcastic and mean remarks to her brotherthroughout dinner.She doesn’t bother to help her parents clean up like she usuallydoes and leaveswithout saying goodbyeto her brother. She leaves angryand feeling sad that her familydoesn’t care about her. Her family membersfeel mistreated and confused about her behavior. In the followingboxes, complete what the benefits and drawbacks are of using passive aggressive communication in Sally’s situation. Benefits of Passive Aggressive Communication Drawbacks of Passive Aggressive Communication Could Sally’s passive aggressivecommunication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How has passiveaggressive communication led to alcoholor other drug use in your life? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used a passiveaggressive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? Assertive Communication involves knowledge about your basic rightsas a human being, self-awareness of feelingsand wanted outcomesin a situation, and being mindfuland respectful of otherswhen stating your feelings,wants, and needs.Assertiveness is simply asking for or stating what you want (or do not want) in a directway that does not attack, manipulate, or disrespect anyone else. You stand up for yourselfand your rights in the situation while also taking responsibility to be cooperative, nonjudgmental, and caringfor your own needs in such a way that protectsthe dignity of others.When using an assertive communication style, others view you as honest and as knowing what is importantto your needs. This communication approach allows you to cope with the problems associated with alcoholor drug use as best as you can without letting others steamrollyou or withoutisolating yourself. You will be in a better spot and more able to manage your cravingsusing assertiveness rather than passivityor aggression. Considerthe following exampleof assertive communication: Sally sees her brothersit down at the table with a beer. Being around any kind of alcohol triggersher to want to drink.She decides that she will tell her family how she feels and ask if they could not drink when she is around. “I am really workinghard to stay sober and seeing you drinkthat beer is really causing me to crave a drink. I reallyneed you to not drink when you are around me. I think I will do much better in my recoverywith support from you.” In the followingboxes, completewhat the benefitsand drawbacks are of using assertive communication in Sally’ssituation. Benefits ofAssertive Communication Drawbacks ofAssertive Communication Could Sally’s assertive communication lead to alcoholor other drug use? Why or why not? How could assertive communication help you meet your goals of sobriety? Can you think of a situationwhere you or someoneyou know used an assertive communication style? What did it look like? What was the result? Notice in the previousexample, Sally clearly stated what the problem was, told her family how they could help and told them something positivethat would happen as a result. In the above situation Sally used a communication technique called SAS. SASState theproblem and its consequences.Ask for what you need.Spell out the advantages of cooperation. In Sally’sexample, this is how she used the SAS skills:State the Problem: “Seeing you drink is causing me to crave a drink.”Ask for What You Need: “I need you to not drink aroundme.”Spell out the Advantaged of Cooperation: “I will do better in my recoverywith support from you” Sally stated her needs and desiresdirectly. She also was respectful and did not put other people down or make them feel badly. She pointedout a positive consequence (“I will do betterin my recovery”) rather than a negative consequence or blaming statement. (“If you keep drinking around me I will relapse and it will be your fault”) Think of a situation where you would like to communicate assertively. Try writingout what you will say using the SAS technique. State the Problem:Ask for What You Need:Spell out the Advantaged of Cooperation: Assertive communication goes beyond verbal expression. Nonverbalcommunication, or “body language,” plays a large part in the messageswe send to other people.In contrast to verbal/spoken communication, which consists of actual words used in speakingwith someone, nonverbal communication refers to the way in which those words are projected. For example, during a job interview, one personmight look down at the floor or off in the distance,whereas a differentperson might look directly at the interviewer. What different messages would these two applicants convey? Nonverbal behaviors can help you communicate more assertively. Here are some examples.Fill in others that you think would be helpful. Maintain eye contact Position your body squarely towardsothers Speak firmly, positively, & loud enough to be heard easily Use clear, concise speech Keep your”body language” consistent with your statements Listen to what othersare saying Maintain a posture and attitude of equality Take theinitiative Using an assertive communication style doesn’tcome naturally for everyone. It is often a big change from what they are used to and a change from how they are used to being treated. It can be uncomfortable at first,and may requiresome practice. Start out by practicing with small requests,rather than trying to tackle big situations. Some people find it helpful to practicein front of a mirroror with a peer or counselor too. Remember, using assertive communication can help you feel more relaxed,less depressed, and more powerful.Learning how to be assertivewill enable you to act in your own best interest, to stand up for yourself and expressyour thoughts and feeling honestly and comfortably, and to exerciseyour personal rights without denying the rights of others. What would be the benefitsof communicating in a more assertively? What do you think the outcome would be if you used a passivecommunication style? What do you think the outcome would be if you used an aggressive communication style? What do you think the outcome would be if you used a passive-aggressive communication style? Assertiveness & Communication Skills Directions: Three times over the next week, find someone with whom to practice the “SAS” communication technique. In the space provided, write the situation, the stated problem and its consequences, ask for what you want, and spell out the benefitsof cooperation.Practice SAS in a low risk, non-emotionally chargedsituation at first! “SAS” Communication Technique: State the problemand its consequences.Ask for what you want.Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Spell out the benefitsof cooperation. Date: Date:Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Date:Situation Stated Problem Asked Wants Spelled Benefits Health ScienceScienceNursingShare Question
