As you read and evaluate the following essays, consider these…

Question Answered step-by-step As you read and evaluate the following essays, consider these…  As you read and evaluate the following essays, consider these areas.Evaluation EssayIntroductionDoes the introduction accurately and clearly state the central idea and purpose of the article? Does it smoothly and easily move the reader into the paper?123456ThesisDoes the introduction end in a clear statement of evaluation of the effectiveness of the article?123456UnityDoes each paragraph have a clear and specific topic sentence that accurately introduces and states an evaluation of one of the main points of the article? Is the material in each paragraph clearly related to its topic sentence?123456DevelopmentIs each topic sentence supported with clear references to the article as well as to details and examples from the writer’s own knowledge and experience? Are references to ideas from the article accurately explained?123456CoherenceAre transitions used between paragraphs? Where needed, are transitions used between sentences within each paragraph?123456   References to the TextAre direct quotations and paraphrases correctly introduced and smoothly incorporated into the text? Do they reflect the writer’s point accurately?123456Subordination and Sentence VarietyDo the sentences combine ideas that are related, using coordination, subordination, or verbal or appositive phrases when appropriate? Are there too many brief, choppy main clauses?123456Grammar and MechanicsDoes the paper contain fragments, comma splices, fused sentences, errors in subject-verb agreement, pronoun use, modifiers, punctuation, or spelling?123456Overall Ranking of the Essay123456Student Essay 1The reading selection “Why Competition” In his essay “Why Competition?” Alfie Kohn attacks a trait embedded in the very fabric of American society, competition. By concluding that relationships between both teammates and rivals are undesirable and illustrating the pitfalls competition holds for both individuals and American society, Kohn tries to prove that “competition by its very nature is always unhealthy.” Although Kohn uses several strong personal examples to support his claims, the essay contains little substantiated support. However, since Kohn’s purpose was “to at least have opened up some provocative, and largely neglected, lines of inquiry,” he was successful.I disagree in part with Kohn’s first point which concerns relationships between both teammates and rivals. Kohn believes that the relationships between teammates lack depth and fullness and also observes that rivalry causes the teammates to not only exclude their rivals from “any possible community,” but often to regard them with “suspicion and contempt.” Kohn supports this two pronged attack with his personal experiences as a camp counselor and also compares teammates to soldiers. After attending scores of high school football games, I cannot disagree with Kohn’s observations about rivals, but, as an athlete, I always played on teams with people who were my true friends and not just “comrades.”Kohn’s second point is that “the desire to win . . . tends to edge out other goals and values in the context of any given competitive activity.” He claims that when people are competing, winning becomes all important, and values fly out the window. His support is another personal experience which consists of his participation on a debate team. Perhaps these “debaters” are just overzealous, or they just take themselves too seriously. When I compete recreationally, whether I’m arguing a point or dribbling a basketball, I’m concerned with having fun first and winning second.After making it clear that none among us is above behaving competitively, Kohn states his third and most convincing argument, that the cost of competition in human terms is immeasurable. With individual success, says Kohn, comes anxiety. A person’s self worth starts becoming conditional. Kohn says, “my . . . values become contingent on how much better I am than so many others in so many activities.” With this kind of pressure on us, Kohn continues, we can never be satisfied. Kohn doesn’t rely solely on personal experiences to support this argument, but also includes a quote from a psychologist. I agree with this final argument because during my eight years of ballet school, I often felt the envy competition breeds and also found myself measuring my own accomplishments in terms of other, more experienced, dancers.Although Kohn does bring up some interesting points, his support is mainly from personal experience. The basis of the argument is strong and, with further development, could be pretty convincing. Despite its weaknesses, this essay definitely made me rethink the term “healthy competition.”Student Essay 2Everyone agrees that children cannot afford to be uneducated. It is simply the means of educating children that provokes a controversy. In the article “History 101: Pass the Popcorn, Please,” Elaine Minamide quotes those with opposing views in saying, “Movies give educators the priceless opportunity to connect to young students bored by textbooks.” However, Minamide believes that watching contemporary films in class makes students dependent on audio-visual learning instead of books. She points out that students get used to the “song-and-dance” routine from Sesame Street. Unlike Minamide, I feel that kids need a more intriguing, interactive approach in order to learn and retain the material. I did not find Minamide’s arguments very effective. Watching movies in the classroom is beneficial to the student because it is a more interesting way of presenting the material.Minamide asks, “As time goes by, will students’ dependency upon audio-visual learning make it difficult, if not impossible, for them to extract meaning from books alone?” To answer her question, I would say that’s unlikely, but even if it that were the case, the students would still be learning, only in a more interesting fashion. In fact, one of the educational advantages of audio-visual learning is the interest it sparks in students. Most kids can’t get an education from dry textbooks and boring lectures. Kids learn in many different ways, so the material must be presented in an interesting fashion. While I was doing an internship in a seventh-grade classroom at Diegueno Junior High School, the students were learning about Chinese dynasties. The teacher divided them into groups that would rotate through five stations. They would watch a movie about the dynasties, research it on the Internet, read from the text, listen to a lecture, and discuss it in groups. The kids ended up enjoying the movie most because it gave them a true sense about the different Chinese dynasties, and it provided a mental picture as well. Another example of audio-visual learning being successful is when my eleventh-grade history class watched Schindler’s List. We had read about the Holocaust in the textbook, but none of us had a clear picture, and the fragments of the history we had learned were not put together. As we watched the movie, most everyone was in tears, and I must say that I’ve never seen quite such a reaction from reading a textbook.Besides the benefit of providing more interesting ways to educate by using movies, the so-called song-and-dance routine, which Minamide thinks will handicap students, is really an effective way to learn. In order to learn the material, the students must enjoy themselves. Did you every wonder why kids in kindergarten have smiles on their faces while many high school students wear frowns? It’s because the younger students are intrigued by the teacher’s presentation, causing them to learn more. My history teacher sings songs to our class with his guitar. We listen to the lyrics and get lost in true history. As we all look pleasantly at our teacher, we find ourselves experiencing history instead of reading it. We must be involved; it is essential. As Benjamin Franklin put it, “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”Minamide writes, “More to the point, require that they read.” Unlike the “song-and-dance” routine, reading is only beneficial if you enjoy it. Unless a student has an astounding imagination, he/she probably cannot absorb as much knowledge from textbooks as they would from historical films. When I was in fifth grade, my class was learning about the American presidents. Our class was split into two groups, the “readers” and the “watchers.” Half of us reading the textbook, the other half watching a film. The next day, both groups were tested on the material, and the “watchers'” average test scores were double that of the “readers.” Need I say more?I most definitely believe that using audio-visual technology is beneficial to the students. It allows the student to learn from whatever means of education helps them the most. As Minamide quoted her critics, “Films provoke students to not only think about history, but to experience it to the fullest.” Maybe students do need to be entertained, but is that such a bad thing? It’s human nature to be interested in interesting things. As time goes on, we must move and advance along with it. Why keep students in the past with only reading books when they can learn from so many different methods? Children cannot afford to be uneducated. It is our job to spark their interests, which will soon grow into bright, luminous flames.Student Essay 3The following essay evaluates an article titled “Teenagers in Dreamland” by Robert J. Samuelson.In “Teenagers in Dreamland,” Robert J. Samuelson states that children live in a dreamland, curious and disorienting “mixture of adult freedoms and childlike expectations.” Children are becoming more and more independent at an earlier age and adult authority is becoming less. He also explains the difference of children’s attitudes if they attend private and public schools. Children are also working while they are attending school which causes problems with their schoolwork. Working while going to school makes kids think they are more independent and have more freedom. Society thinks the kids are growing up fine, but statistics show differently. I feel that Samuelson’s argument about private schools educating students better than public school is weak; however, I agree with his arguments that students want more responsibility and freedom, and that students have jobs that demand more time than they have to do schoolwork.I disagree with Samuelson’s idea that private schools educate students better than public schools. He states that private schools give 50% more homework and have “rigorous courses in math, English, and history.” When I was in high school, I felt that I had the same amount of homework as my friends in private schools. I also feel that they were more rebelling than I was because they had more authority watching over them. Private schools may provide better education for a small group, but Samuelson overlooks the fact that private schools have fewer students so they can focus more on their students. On the other hand, public schools can’t limit their attendance so they have to focus on students with more needs. I feel that if I went to a private school, I would have turned out totally different. I think I would be more rebelling and not willing to go to college.Samuelson states that children are growing up too soon. For example, they want to own their own cars and want to have more freedom to do what they please and do it when they want. Students move out of their parent’s houses earlier than when their parents were their age. I see youths getting married really young and depending on others for support. When I was a high school student, I saw pregnancy within the high school population. Most of the girls were just about to finish high school and now they have a long road ahead of them. For example, one of my friends is 17 and pregnant. Her boyfriend is 25 and they thought they had all this freedom to do what they wanted. Now he is going off to Okinawa, and she will have to depend on others to help take care of the child. This is a case of a young woman growing up too fast.Students are running into the dilemma of going to school and having a job. They feel that the only way to get freedom is to have a job. I had a job when I was going to high school, and it took away time from my schoolwork. It was hard to budget my time so I had time for schoolwork and still be able to spend time with my friends. My job was demanding more of my time from my friends and schoolwork. I liked the money because I was able to buy what I wanted, but my grades were bad.I feel that Samuelson has a strong point that when children work while they are going to school, it takes away from their education. I also agree that children are growing up too soon. They want to be adults while in some ways they want to be kids. However, I disagree that private schools are better than public schools because he has not concerned the size of the populations in the school     Arts & Humanities Writing IGED 210 Share QuestionEmailCopy link Comments (0)